Affirmative
When I talk about affirmations during childbirth education, people usually split into two groups: those who already use and love affirmations and those who say “I’m not really an affirmations person” with some skepticism.
In all honesty, I tend to fall into the second group rather than the first, most of the time. However I believe in the power of self-talk, and of intentionally creating supportive environments. This means I can’t discount affirmations entirely. Not to mention, when I have seen them work, they have really worked. So I can say with some certainty, that YES. They do work!
Sometimes people interchange affirmations and mantras. I’d like to respectfully edge the two apart and talk about when and how to use each in pregnancy and labor.
Affirmations
Affirmations are statements, usually a phrase to a sentence, that are affirming for the person reading. Notice I didn’t say “positive.” A true affirmation is not something that is meant to cheerily brighten your day and ward off any negative occurrences. Instead, an affirmation will affirm a true statement that’s true whether the person using it believes it or not. An affirmation brings the truth up in front of our eyes and makes it harder to deny or downplay.
Here’s an example: suppose an expecting parent feels worried about pain in labor. Instead of using a statement like “my labor will be painless and easy” (which could be true, but as it’s in the future it’s not a fact), they can use an affirmation like “I know how to handle intense situations.” The second statement is true, even when feeling self-doubt, because this parent has done some self-exploration and knows that when under stress, they cope best by deep breathing and listening to music.
Another option could be “I have people who will help me cope.” That is a truth no matter where you are having your baby. A midwife, a nurse, an OB, a doula, a partner, a friend…there are many people who can help with coping.
So there is the subtle different between “positive” and “affirming.” An affirmation is not magical thinking, it is a reminder of a truth we sometimes forget.
Affirmations are GREAT during pregnancy as well as labor. Writing short phrases on a sticky note, buying beautiful affirmation cards, putting an affirmation on the lock screen of your phone…all of these are valid ways to help keep the truth coming back to the surface and not weighted down in our worries.
Mantras
Now, mantras are different.
Originally coming from Buddhist and Hindu traditions, mantras are a sound or group of sounds that are considered spiritual and repeated during meditation to connect with higher powers, humanity, or the self. Our western culture has transformed the word into something more like a slogan, or a catchphrase. Something that’s simply repeated over and over.
I do believe that mantras are both used and useful during birth. Anyone who is familiar with birth is also familiar with the sounds people sometimes use to cope. I humbly suggest that any mantra that is more than one word will probably be forgotten during labor, and that sometimes mantras choose themselves.
(There are several stories in the doula world about people saying things like “drugs…drugs…” not because they wanted pain relief, but because the word was somehow comforting.)
Mantras are more “of the minute” than affirmations. If we think of affirmations as something like a life-jacket, constantly bringing the truth to the top, mantras are something more like a surfboard, allowing you to coast over waves.
Hopefully that metaphor didn’t get too far away from me there.
Examples of Affirmations
Below I have included some links to affirmations I find useful. Some of them contain swearing or strong language, or images of birth.
This is a set of gorgeously, tenderly illustrated affirmation cards that depicts people of all genders, races, sexualities, and family structures.
This set is simple and uncomplicated, and can be printed after purchase.
This is the set of infamous “sweary affirmations” that I love so very much.
Please note- I am linking you to affirmations that you can purchase, but it is JUST as effective to write them on a sticky note with a sharpie. Do not feel like you must buy something for it to be effective.
Is there an affirmation or mantra you want to use in birth? Or have already used? Let me know!