Respecting Identities

Not every person giving birth is a mother.

It seems obvious to say that families come in all shapes and sizes, but the birth community is also steeped in assumptions about gender, parentage, and gender roles.

As I do my work, I try to be as intentional as possible with my words and assumptions. One of the simplest changes to make is simply to remove the words “mother” and “father” from your vocabulary as much as possible. It might feel awkward saying “birthing person” or “partner” but the respect shown when you do it is tremendously empowering.

Additionally, I try to find out what terms people like used when referring to them— pronouns, whether they want to be called “partner” or “spouse” or “wife/husband”, if they have special names picked out for the baby to call them, and/or how they identify regarding gender and sexuality.

It’s important to note that this is something that should happen with EVERY family— remember, assumptions are the enemy! Plus, it’s nice to create a default that is inclusive in a world where that is not the typical experience.

Birth is such an emotional time and taking care to connect with everyone is valuable from both a professional perspective and a compassionate person perspective.

-Ellyn