Two Easy Ways to be More Queer Inclusive

Doulas, and birth workers of all types: you CAN be more inclusive of queer people and queer families in your practice. It’s not scary and it’s not complicated. But I do get a lot of questions about what to do, so here are two easy tips.

1.) Don’t assume.

Don’t assume gender, sexuality, marital status, pronouns, or genitalia/reproductive organs. Every person you meet is a mystery! This is the part where you will make the most mistakes— internalized ideas are hard to shed. Start by recognizing when you make an assumption and correcting it the next time.

2.) Ask.

After you have not assumed— just ask! I’m not talking about invasive questions like “how’d you get pregnant anyway?” or “what ARE you?” (GROSS.) Just standard pleasantries—

“Hi, nice to meet you! My pronouns are she/her, what are yours?”

“What would you like to be called?” This works for both name and things like “mommy.”

“What would you like me to know about your gender or sexuality that would help me support you better?”

That’s it, that’s the post.

Just kidding, I do have one more point to make. You are NOT going to be perfect at this. What counts is the effort that you make and your ability to make changes within yourself. Nobody wants you to fall all over yourself apologizing or putting special emphasis on pronouns. A simple “sorry” and correction are more than enough if you just make a mistake.

So let’s start that self-reflection: what do you think holds you back from being more queer-inclusive?